Good Friday - Deeper Understanding of its Significance

Today’s Good Friday and it’s a public holiday!

We woke up early but decided to laze in the bed. The thought of "bambino" (our tentative term for our child) obviously occupied our minds, in a nice way, perhaps also in our dreams. Given my limited biology knowledge, I asked YL where bambino is lying right now…he pointed to the area just below my naval button, and I gently put my hand protectively over it. Its difficult to imagine and even express how I felt. The nestling feel that is inate within every woman around our age (the desire to bear children) has been far surpassed by this protective and motherly feel. I think that I have already began to bond with bambino...

YL told me that he once dreamt (even before we got attached) that we were happily together walking down a park and in that dream, I was pregnant! Its awesome, to think that the dream he had so many years ago had come to pass. I just stared at him. It is quite magical. When I look at him now, he is not just my husband, but the father of the life that I am carrying within me. And when he look at me now, he sees not just his wife, but the life that she is carrying….the life that we had both created in God’s timing. Its really quite a magical feel. I felt so blessed, so happy, lying next to the man I love and carrying the fruit of our love.

YL gave me a good rub-down message on my aching back (not sure if the aches got to do with the pregnancy) and it felt really good…Hmmm, wondering if I should still go for the famous massage in Hanoi in Apr now that I am pregnant?

YL called Melvyn and Pastor David Ong in Singapore to share the good news and also to solicit their prayers with us. They were happy for us and Pastor David advised YL to take especially good care of me as it is our first child…YL was telling me that he would have taken good care of me whether I am expecting a child or not! Sigh, sometimes my hubby takes words from other people too literally!

We attended Good Friday communion service at Ros and Dave’s place this morning. It was a powerful communion. The word from John 3:16 came to both YL and my mind individually during the service. YL was so touched by worship that he even felt like crying…I actually heard the sniffles coming from him! We both agreed later that this was one of the most powerful good Friday service that we had attended, perhaps due to the work that the good Lord is doing within us. We were expecting a child. And being a step closer to parenthood, we could actually feel the pain that God must have felt (infinitely more) when He gave up his Son, Jesus Christ as a sacrifice to save us from our sins. He had loved us THAT MUCH!


Whilst toasting hot-cross buns, Ros asked me how it has been for me (referring to the pregnancy) over the past few days. I told her that I had felt sudden periods of fatigue, and also kept having to go to the toilet to pee. I said that the constant need for peeing might have to do with the antibiotics treatment for the UTI….and she said that it shouldn’t be, as the antibiotics only kills the bacteria. She thinks its got to do with the pregnancy and smugly told me “welcome to your next 10 months as a pregnant mum”!!

Telling our parents

With much excitement, we told both sets of parents this morning. Mum was overjoyed!! So was YL’s mum although she sounded a bit subdued and cautious, maybe because she thought I was panicking and was unsure how I’m coping with the news. As usual, they gave very parental advice and ask me to rest more…and my mum even told us tot scale down on our travelling plans.. Yep, that’s probably a sacrifice that we have to make.

Borrowed this fascinating book today from the library. Its called “A Child is Born”, by Lennart Nilsson. Its got lots of photographs and spectacular record from conception to identity, from fertilization to the birth! For once, I really appreciated what goes behind quietly within our bodies to conceive our child….Highly Recommended!!

The final test - It has to be!!

As YL woke up, he whispered into my ears, “ remember to do your test at the first pee!!” Oh, what a "romantic" thing to say first thing in the morning….but thanks for the reminder!! =)

I laid around for a while and then stood up….As soon as I stood up, I had the urge to pee (seems that I have been peeing a lot these days!). Did the pee, brought it to YL and he dip the test stick in ….

Once again, we stare at the stick in anticipation….we saw the urine liquid travel up within its plastic enclosure….then we saw one thick red line developing, and than another faint pink line next to it! Its faint, but lots stronger than yesterday’s…..and in YL’s word, “I think we’ve struck lottery!!”
=)

Gulp!! We’re really pregnant??!!

Went over to Ros’s place to babysit Ruth as Ros and Dave went to the obstetrician for her final check-up. Ros looked excitedly at both test sticks (I brought them over to have her professional opinion on them), and she said that both indicated positive results!! She gave me a big hug and together with Dave, congratulated us on the blessing from God!!

Still getting on grips with the news…I proceeded to call the clinic for a change in prescription…the doctor called back and told me to come over to collect it and also told me to make another appointment with her to discuss about the pregnancy and the follow-up!

Chatted with AK later, and she was sooo happy for us…I told her that its still very bizarre to be congratulated, as the news has not quite sunk in…i keep fearing that I will see my menses the next time I go to the loo!! AK said that we can discuss and register for Primary One schooling for our kids together…and YL mentioned last night that if its true, our kids can become good playmates!! Haha!

Now, just need to pray for a right time to call parents tomorrow…hope that they will not be overly excited!

Shared with cg tonight…basically decided that its not too early to tell them because these are our spiritual brothers and sisters whom we trust to pray with us through the whole pregnancy. The girls were really happy for us…Marion prayed for me and thank God for giving life and blessing us with the child that is growing within me…I was touched, and for the first time, it finally occurred to me that this is not about being pregnant but about a life growing within me and that both YL and myself would be responsible for, to some extent!

Had a somewhat emotional time before I went to sleep. I supposed I am still getting used to the idea that there is someone growing inside me, given that there is not much physical symptom. And after Marion’s prayer, I was finally “awakened” to the idea. And I got really excited about it and anxious at the same time.

I really cherish the child that is growing in me…and that at this stage, whether its psychological or spiritual, already feel a “mother-child” connection. I was really thankful to God for the blessing and than suddenly panicked. I shared with YL my fears. What if there are problems in the whole pregnancy? Now that is a big question. Having just got use to the idea of a life growing in me, I cannot imagine the scenario where the life is lost. I was quite upset and really prayed to the Lord to protect the child. I know that it is God who gives life and it is up to God to decide what happens. And I want to trust in the Lord’s goodness and sovereignity.

It suddenly occurred to me, where was Sarah when Abraham brought Issac up to the mountains as an act of surrender to the Lord?? Did Sarah know about Abraham’s decision? If so, what was she feeling? How can she bring herself to surrender, too? I’ve absolutely no idea…but I know I am quite a far way from surrendering to God regarding this myself, and that I need to begin doing so.

Help me, God.

Could it be? Or maybe not?

Woke up early in the morning to pee but thereafter decided that I needed more sleep. By the time I woke up, its 2 hours later and I decided to do the test after breakfast…

YL read out the instructions carefully, as any scientists would! If positive, there would be two pink lines (the first one being that the test is completed and the 2nd refers to the high HCG hormonal levels found which indicates pregnancy)! If negative, there will only be one pink line shown.

I peed into a container. YL then did the honors of dipping the test kit into it, cap it up and then put it on the table….We stared at it in anticipation… I was expecting only one line, but secretly hoping two.

One dark pink line shown up to show that the test is completed, and then to my disbelief, we saw another light faint pink line! But we were confused. In YL’s words, “that faint pink line is so faint that you wouldn’t take it as an additional line, yet, it is not faint enough (and is definitely a straight line in itself) for us to discredit it”!!



Hmmm...we can only conclude that its an inconclusive test!!! :(

Wondering whether to do another test, but decided that one is enough for the day.

Later that day, I “met” AK on the yahoo messenger and I recounted to her about the whole incident. Being pregnant and thus having experience in doing pregnancy tests, she quickly jumped at the conclusion and proclaimed that “it is definitely positive”!! Thereafter, I called Ros on the phone, who happened to be very pregnant with her second child and also a GP. She too was of the opinion that it is a positive result. She explained that the faint line is due to low HCG level ‘cos it is very early on in the pregnancy and also because I had already peed once before actually peeing for the test itself.

Her advice? To do another test first thing the next morning! Meanwhile, stay off the prescribed antibiotics!!

So, another wait...

How the possiblity dawned upon us

Saw the doctor this morning for my urinary tract infection (uti) which had been a problem disturbing me over the past week or so. Still remembered last Saturday when I had experienced acute pain on my right kidney….not funny….was very painful! YL was so worried that he wanted to call an ambulance! Luckily, 2 paracetemols did the trick to ease the pain for the night.
The doctor had asked me to do a urine test...traces of uti was found, and she prescribed me this antibiotic for the uti.

I went to Boots pharmacy to purchase the prescription. The pharmacist however warned me that I should not be taking that particular antibiotic if I am pregnant. PREGNANT???? I thought for a moment…my “that time of the month” should be anytime around these few days, but my menses is certainly not here yet. I told her I had no idea whether I am pregnant or not and she asked me to get a pregnancy test kit to test first before taking the medication. I paid for the medication anyway, quite convinced that I am not pregnant (don’t feel pregnant at all!).

But to set my mind at ease, I decided to get a pregnancy test kit. My goodness….these test kits are not cheap! 1 test kit cost 8 pounds and a set of 2 cost 11 pounds. Even though I was convinced I wasn’t pregnant, I decided to go for the 2 test kit set….more value for money mah!!

Came home with the kit and wondered what to do with it… YL called and he said to wait for him to come home before proceeding with the testing. OK, which means I have to put my antibiotic at the side for now. However, when he came home, we decided to do the test the next morning instead. I think its because deep inside we hope that it would yield a positive result, and are putting off the test so as to put off our disappointment too!