Global Day of Prayer 2007

We participated in the Global Day of Prayer this evening with some of our church friends...Had a glorious time of worship and prayer. We brought Isaac along to the National Stadium for the very first time, and I guess, it would also probably be his last, since the Stadium is due to be pulled down to make way for a much newer one real soon!

Despite him being very tired once we entered into the stadium (prob contributed by the humidity) and took a short nap in between, we all had a jolly good time. Isaac loved the music and he loves to clap....He has also learnt how to say "Hallelujah" (though it sounds more like "ali-lu-ahh") and "Amen" (literally sounding like "a-men"), so he blended quite well into the crowds of praying Christians. : )

As you can see from the pics, we took our time to get out of the Stadium after the whole event ended... Brought Isaac down to the track and allowed him to run around for a while, under the watchful eyes of the security guards...Then its a few photos here and there as a momento to this stadium that YL and me grew up in....think National Day Parade (as participants...i was a pong pong girl...TWICE!!), National Track and Field Event (as spectators), Singapore Youth Festival, quite a few Christian Rallies, etc...

Bye bye Stadium...see you soon when you've been given a new life!

High Tea at Tiffin Room, Raffles Hotel (Apr 07)

We attended a friend's daughter's first month party at Tiffin Room, Raffles Hotel sometime in Apr...Had took a few photos but had forgotten to post it.... Thought Isaac looked pretty cool in his blue outfit... : ) We liked the food but Isaac preferred the Harpist! He kept staring at her playing and was the only one who faithfully clapped after every song that she played! : )

Back at work

Decided to return to office after a week's rest.

Found difficulties kickstarting my momentum at work though. Having been away from office for a week (though I still logged from home to clear some work), being in office just seems so overwhelming suddenly! This is especially so in my current operational HR post where there are daily cases and "fires" to deal with and personnel issues to be concerned about.

Was sharing with a friend that I suddenly found it really difficult to keep my spirits and positiveness up. Yet at the same time, I was subconciously trying to keep up with a positive front. Don't wanna get the people around me worried nor affect them!

After spending a week at home with Isaac and seeing how he gets all excited seeing that mummy is at home and keeps coming to me for me to play with him or just to ask for some hugs and kisses, work somehow seems so much less meaningful! But of course that is what the heart says...in my mind, i was reminded how the current Ops stint is a meaningful one when i think of the people that come to speak to me about their concerns and how we try to help them in terms of achieving their career aspirations whilst balancing organisational needs.

Sigh. Hopefully I get my momentum back next week!

Got passport can travel!

Brought Isaac to collect his passport from SIR today. Our queue no. was 2985 and the counters were only calling 2845.

Whilst waiting, Isaac was munching away on pre-packed grapes (its always useful to arm yourself with lots of [healthy] snacks when you bring your kid out to public places and you expect to spend sometime there!) making a lot of friendly but loud noise, chattering away to himself.

I think I'll make this suggestion to SIR : Perhaps you could consider setting a child-friendly play area in the waiting area. That will go a long way to help parents to occupy their children whilst waiting at the queue and prevent the kids from irritating your other customers!

But kudos to SIR, they manged to clear the queue after 35 minutes, as promised on their electronic counter!

BTW, Isaac look like a little cute rascal on his passport photo! Yay, now he can officially travel overseas (beyond Pulau Ubin and Sentosa) with us... ! :)

"Hope is a Thing With Feathers"

Just received this poem from our friends Emily and Sen:

"Hope is a Thing With Feathers" by Emily Dickinson

Hope is a thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings a tune without words
And never stops at all.

And sweetest, in the gale, is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That keeps so many warm.
I've heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea
Yet, never, in extremity
It ask a crumb of me.


Thanks friends! *Hugs from Singapore* : )

Its been a week since we were confronted with the bad news and just a couple of days since the surgery. Am actually feeling quite healthy physically (except for a little fatique now and then), and I thought that emotionally, I've also overcomed it all.

But I guess its harder than just 'not thinking about it', which is what I've been doing most of the time subconsciously - occupying myself with Isaac, catching up on reading (a colleague, SF, came by and dropped me a copy of "A Heart Ablaze" by John Bevere), catching up with work from home via email. As I worshipped in church today, I can't help but pondered about the events of the past week, and suddenly a tidal wave of emotions just swept over me.

I've always prided myself for having a very logical mind when it comes to dealing with adversities...Its really a Mind over Heart "survival tactic" that I've adopted over the years. And these are my personal rules:

• Rule #1: If I can't do anything about it, no sense to fret about it.
• Rule #2: Always read up on the subject matter. Knowledge gives understanding and overcomes fear and anxiety.

It is with this mindset that i had initially set out to face the whole miscarriage issue (BTW, I've tried to avoid using the word "miscarriage" for a long time. Why is a "miscarriage" called "mis-carriage"...is it like "mis-take"? Is it my "mistake" for mis-carrying the baby? Did i do something that cause the heart-beat to stop??)

So, I read as much as i could find on the internet regarding the "M" issue and as usual found the whole array of scientific explanation to say that its usually not the fault of the parents, and chances are that it wasn't properly formed in the first place....that it happens one in five cases of pregnancy....All these were reaffirmed by Dr Ben....

But whilst I could still calmly go through surgery, etc, i realised that deep in my heart there is still the pain that pricks...there's still the many questions in my mind that Man cannot answer and only God can. Everytime over the past few days, when someone who knew asked me "Are you ok? How're you coping?" or when they just come over to give me a comforting hug, tears still rolled in my eyes. And as I stifled those tears and replied that "I'm ok, we're moving on", it still hurts inside.

Sigh...I guess its still going to take some time for us to go past the grieving phase...

It is well with my soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel!
Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, It is Well with My Soul.

Refrain

The diagnosis was confirmed and the procedure done. Were surprisingly non-heavy hearted as we went through the day, with the confirmation scan and then sze going through day surgery etc. When it was all over, we felt surprisingly liberated. The baby will always be part of our memory, but we will and we feel that we are able to move on! And we know its all thanks to God as we rest in His peace.

Sze's given two weeks hospitalisation leave...one week to recover physically and another emotionally. But given her state of health, she thinks she'll only use one week of the leave. She'll take this opportunity to just spend some quality time with Isaac at home! : )

Psalm 63

A fellow colleague shared this Psalm with me which I found to be a great comfort in times like this...

A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.
11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

We've got some personal bad news to share.

Some of our friends might have known that sze was expecting. Had went for normal check up at the gynea over the weekend and the doc could not locate the fetal heartbeat. Apparantly, the fetus has probably stopped growing a couple of days ago (it should have been a 10th week size but the scan showed that its only at the 9th week size). As such, Dr Ben has scheduled for sze to go for a scan on wed (i.e. tomorrow) to confirm the prognosis which would then be followed up by a procedure to clear the womb. This would be followed by a 2 weeks mc...

We're in shock as it was unexpected given that there was a heartbeat at the last check up at 7th week. We received the news on Sat and it didn't make it easier that Sun was Mother's day. YL was obviously hard hit, being the more emotional one. For Sze, things finally sunk in on Sunday when she woke up in the morning and realised that it was not a bad dream. She couldn't hold on to her emotions further in church and had a good cry as brothers and sisters in Christ rallied around us to pray and encourage us.

We understand that these things happen. We're praying for a miracle, but in our hearts we have more or less accepted the news. God is Sovereign and we will accept whatever He wills. As Christians, we believe that our baby has been called up to Heaven and one day we will see him/her again when we too pass on. That is a wonderful consolation! Nevertheless, we're still sad that we've lost the privilege of bringing him/her up.

We spent Sunday night just staring at Isaac sleeping...being so thankful and appreciative that we've got him with us, but at the same time unable to suppress a tinge of regret over our unborn child.

Sze still went to office over the past few days as there was lots of work to clear and she wanted to properly hand over work to her colleagues. There is never a good time for such matters to happen, but its a particularly bad time with so many things going on in the office at the moment. The other reason was to also to get her mind off thinking too much about the sad news.

We're thankful for all the support, prayers and encouragement from family, friends and colleagues. Do we regret letting some of our friends known that we were expecting so early on when we know that things might be unstable? No. Because we believe that friends are there for the good times as well as for the bad times. We are glad that we have not only our loving God to run to, but the shoulders of our caring friends to lean on in times like these.

Don't worry for us. We'll continue to keep our spirits up.

Come what may tomorrow. We may not be totally ready for it, but we're sure that God will give us the grace and mercy to go through it.